I Carry You With Me
In January of this year, I found out I was pregnant after my husband and I had been trying. A few short weeks later, we discovered our baby didn’t have a heartbeat. My world shattered in a million pieces. I had never felt such sadness and grief throughout my whole 30 years of life. After having some time to grieve I felt a calling, that I had to connect with other women who have gone through this. A miscarriage.
I wasn’t exactly sure how I would be able to help other women at the time, but then it dawned on me that I have a special gift. The gift of story telling through photography. So I decided to find other women who wanted to talk, grieve and be apart of this project with me. That brings me to this post. This is the miscarriage project. My hope in blogging this is to show women that it’s okay to talk about this. It’s okay to grieve, its okay to cry and scream and feel like you might never be happy again! You are not alone.
Thank you to Sophie & Trey for lending us gorgeous gowns and the florists from Orlando Flower Market who made us all stunning flower crowns to wear. And especially thank you to the women who joined me on this journey.
Below I have the women who were apart of this project and things they’d like to share.
“I was blessed enough to get through my storm only to find a rainbow on the other side. Fortunately for my husband I, we were able to have a son. Not till the moment he was safe and sound in my arms, could the hole in my heart begin to heal.” - Lynsey G.
“I have 1 daughter, and have suffered 3 miscarriages. Miscarriages are an unbearable pain, and that hasn’t gotten easier for me. My daughter is truly my angel on earth and my heart is full of thankfulness for her. I am brave, strong and broken, all at the same time.” - Lindsey R.
“After my two miscarriages I felt a rush of every emotion possible. I felt lost and alone. There were few people I could talk to, and I shut down to the rest of the world. I still have a hard time talking about it. I am thankful for my girlfriends who told me they loved me and checked in on me, and for my two angel bracelets. Getting those angel wings gave me a way to honor my angel babies. Friends and these angel bracelets helped me get through the toughest times, and still help me when I am having a hard day.” - Amy M.
For my first miscarriage, It was easy for me to get pregnant which gave me hope that I could again and would carry full term next time. I found comfort in knowing that I now had a little angel looking over me. The second miscarriage was after my son Myles. Looking at his sweet face made me grateful for what I already have. If I never have another child, I am grateful that God allowed me to be Myles’ mom. - Carly S.
“In all honesty I was hesitant to be a part of this photoshoot for several personal reasons, but I pushed passed my insecurities and did it anyways, I'm so glad I did. Connecting with other moms who have had to go on without their babies gives you a small sense of relief that no one else can provide. Maybe my purpose is not to create new life, but to help others get through their lives of pain & sadness. My four angels will always be a part of my heart & soul, forever and ever." - Sara E.
“I have lost two children in back-to-back miscarriages. And although I have a healthy 3yo son and another baby boy on the way, not a day has gone by that I haven’t thought about my two angel babies: Peter & Catherine. I always tell people that having a healthy rainbow baby doesn’t replace the baby (or babies) that was lost before it. Rather, a rainbow baby is proof of the miracle of life at every moment, in and outside of the womb. Today, I know that my faith in God is stronger than it was before my losses. I have learned that God is ever present in both joy and grief and I didn’t know how much I needed him until I realized that my family, friends, and even husband, could not provide the peace that only God gives. I am grateful for the hope and comfort that my angel babies are waiting for me in heaven and I can’t wait to hug and kiss them for all of eternity.” - Michelle S.
I lost my first pregnancy at exactly 18 weeks. There was no reasoning as to why our baby girl’s heart stopped. I’ve never felt so broken, alone, and ashamed as a woman for not being able to carry this baby. Two things I would say got me through to where I am now: talking to others (especially other mamas of angel babies) and time. Fast forward to today, 4 years after my loss, I still think of my angel everyday, and on certain days I still struggle with the loss. Now I understand and appreciate the miracle of pregnancy more than ever. I have a healthy son who is 3 and one on the way. Believe in miracles. Keep your faith. Grieve however you feel you should. And remember, you are not alone. - Laura H.